Unfaithfully Yours....

For quite a number of instances as I lay my eyes and thoughts blankly in the ceiling just before I doze off at nite, I cant help but wonder…"what constitutes infidelity?" and... "is the defining feature of infidelity purely having sexual relations outside of a committed relationship?" or... “is there more to infidelity than just sex?”

The answers may seem more complicated since its actual definition may vary from one person to another. Coming up with a definition of infidelity is also based largely on people's values, morals, experiences and individual perspectives of life and relationships. So while some people may view infidelity as being strictly a breach of a sexual bond, others may view it more broadly by including a breach of emotional bonds.

Having gone thru a “mind boggling” infidelity experience in my so called past “relationship”, the betrayal of trust and the accompanying lies are probably the most difficult aspects I had to deal with…LIES that brought a gamut of emotions, among them anger, sadness, futility, despair, rage, depression, guilt and probably no small amount of self-pity.

I am not here to judge those who have done it or those who are doing it. Just like everyone else, I am no perfect being. I don’t think I am an expert in this subject either- I still have no definitive answer as to the WHATs, WHYs and HOWs of infidelity. There are aspects of this topic that continues to leave a big “?” in my head. Among others:

>if love is really blind, should love be also blind to the misdemeanors of their loved ones, especially when it involves cheating?

>if u expect honesty from your partner, can you afford to accept the truth, especially when it involves deception?

> does not knowing anything really wont hurt you?

> can trust be rebuilt after one mistake? Or once a cheater will always be a cheater?

> in this day and age, can we still expect 100% faithfulness from our partners? Or do we just succumb to the “reality” that cheating is but human nature?

Take below real life illustrations:

Case #1 > Mr. Desperate has been known as a “notorious user-friendly” partner to Jester when the former left the latter for another person. Jester temporarily wakes up and realizes how he was just taken advantage of all those times they were together, swearing to high heavens how much he hated his ex for that. Fast forward >>>>>>> Jester welcomes Mr. Desperate back with arms wide open – doing the same things he has done for him before they broke up…being the willing victim!
p.s. how did he like your new gift Jester? Hmmmmm….

Case #2 > Mr. Dark Knight is someone I used to know (or so I thought). Have been with his partner, Cherub, for years already. Dark Knight complains much about Cherubs’ imperfections as a partner and uses this as a reason why he “does” it with others. In many instances, Dark Knight tells the entire world how long they’ve been together and how much he loves his partner. But in one instance, Dark Knight made another one of his “I love him” moments to friends, just days after he just made out with someone somewhere in ………… never mind….=P
p.s. how could you Dark Knight?

Case #3 > Mr. Loverboy is a dear friend of mine. Gone out with Someone despite warnings from friends that the latter wants other things from him except his love. All warnings fell on deaf ears and the relationship went on shortly until Loverboy discovered Someones’ agenda. The “discoveries” angered Loverboy until this very day… though have picked up the pieces and started movin on with life.
p.s. finally! Learn from your experiences Loverboy….

Three different stories. Three diverse characters. One common denominator – infidelity.

Regardless of the reasons why some people lie or cheat, be it avoiding being questioned / nagged, having intimacy issues, setting unrealistic expectations or partners reacting poorly to the truth – I still think it’s way proper to side with the truth. As the cliché goes – Truth hurts….but then, Truth will set u free as well.

Would you rather be the unthinkably forgiving Jester? The fatally innocent Cherub? Or the unforgivingly furious Loverboy?