On to the next chapter...

22 feb 06
11:08PM
On to the next chapter.......

forgive my bitchiness lately, will u ? im hurting...yes i am.....and how deep it is......the wound seems to be gettin more painful each day..no matter how i try to conceal it......the pain of not knowing the things i shoudve known early on.....the pain of knowing i have given so much of myself for nothin... the pain of realizing the dreams i've started to build come crushing right before my very eyes.....
nothin can be more painful than the thought of people wanting you for some other reasons.....but no...im more than what u think i can just offer....
we often hear people say.."never give too much of urself when u love someone..".....but isnt that true love working when you can totally surrender yourself to someone whom u claim to love? im confused....
but what happens when you give too much of urself to someone whom you thought loves you but eventually dumps the relationship for some 'shitty' reasons? or worse, for someone else? life (and love) , indeed, has no guarantees...
so u want my friendship? got lots to share if you only have the fundamentals - honesty and trust. if u dont, then theres nothin more to talk about. dont ask for somethin when u dont have anythin to give in the first place...
reality is starting to sink in....im hurtin ..yes i am...truth indeed hurts at times...and all i need is your understanding for now....allow me to feel the pain and suffer in silence......
movin on seems to be taking longer than i expected...but i am movin...the pace may be slow for now...but i know im getting there....slowly...
as i turn a new leaf in my life, i continue to cling on to the hope of a better me once all this is over and done...
a better me, a tougher, stronger soul to conquer the next battles i have yet to face in this so called life. but i swear to high heavens....i will never allow anyone to take advantage of me again...never again jerry......never......